


Adventures in Solitude

by shinnyluvssuju



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:54:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinnyluvssuju/pseuds/shinnyluvssuju
Summary: Sleeping for yearsPick through what is leftThrough the pieces that fell and rose from the depthFrom the rainwater wellDeep as a secret nobody knowsWe thought we lost youWelcome back.
Relationships: Christy Neal/Link Neal, Jessie McLaughlin/Rhett McLaughlin, Rhett McLaughlin/Link Neal
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Adventures in Solitude

**Author's Note:**

> Title and summary come from the song Adventures in Solitude by The New Pornographers. So yes this is another big sad and is the companion piece to Love You to Death (give that a read if you want the details of what happened before this, but you can infer what's going on if you haven't read it). I am done with the big sad for now, and an update of When We Rise is on the way. I'm sorry it's coming so late! Dealing with some medical problems atm but I'll be okay. Xoxo Sam 
> 
> Find me on Insta @santamonicayachtclub Twitter @coldwhipp and Tumblr @riverfetus

Christy insists on driving to the Mclaughlin's, citing the fact that Link isn't that great of a driver to begin with, especially when he's upset. Link doesn't have it in him to argue, he just nods and jumps in the passenger seat. The only thing that matters right now is getting to Rhett, as fast as humanly possible.   
  
Link is texting Jessie the minute Christy puts her foot on the gas. Hes asking her what happened, and he isn't getting any response. _Please_ , he begs her, _tell me what I'm walking into right now. Tell me how bad this is gonna be_. It takes another minute, but he soon gets a response. He nearly drops his phone, and Christy glances over at him. "Whats going on? Is it Jessie?"   
  
This can't be really happening, Link thinks. This doesn't happen, these sorts of things don't happen to Rhett. Maybe this is a nightmare. Maybe he's gonna wake up. He bites the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood but nothing changes. He's still in the car, the sky is still dark, and Christy is still waiting for an answer. He swallows, throat desert dry. "She found him in the basement with a gun." The words come out so quickly it feels like he didn't even say them.   
  
Christy's mouth hangs open in horror. She looks at Link, the street, and Link again before finally fixing her gaze straight ahead. "No," she mutters quietly. "No, no, no..." They don't say anything else for the duration of the car ride.   
  
They pull into the driveway and Link is out of the car before Christy pulls the key out of the ignition. His heart is pounding and everything feels like it's in slow motion. He doesn't bother knocking and walks right in to see Rhett and Jessie sitting on the couch together, looking exhausted in every way. Link pushes his glasses up his nose and says, "Hey."   
  
Christy appears beside him. "We're here, we came as fast as we could."   
  
Jessie's lip is quivering and she gets up to pull Christy into a tight hug. Christy holds her and rubs her back soothingly, saying things like _it's okay, I've got you, I'm here._ Jessie then pulls Link into an embrace, and he can feel her tears through his tee shirt. "Please talk to him," she whimpers into Links chest. "He'll listen to you. He'll tell you the truth. _Please_."   
  
Link looks over her head at Rhett just sitting there lifeless and it scares the living shit out of him. "Yeah," he says. He places a kiss on the top of Jessie's head.   
  
"Do you wanna come to the kitchen with me, Christy?" she asks, trying not to full on sob. "I can make us some tea or something."   
  
"Of course," Christy says. "I'll make the tea, you just sit down and tell me whatever you need to get out." She puts her arm around Jessie and the two women disappear to the other room.   
  
Link is feeling pins and needles all over as he stands there looking at Rhett. Rhett's eyes meet his own, but they're not looking at him, they're looking right through him. "C-can I sit down?" he asks, and Rhett just nods.   
  
Link sits beside him and tries to figure out where to even begin. He knows Rhett isn't going to be the first to speak, especially in this catatonic state, so he has to think of something. He reaches for Rhett's hand, but Rhett comes back to life just enough to flinch away from the attempted affection. It hurts. It hurts bad.   
  
"Can I please hold your hand?" Link asks, practically begging. Rhett is motionless for a moment but slowly brings his hand back closer to Link's, who takes it in his gratefully and laces their fingers together. Rhett is shaking. "Rhett... Jessie told me what happened."   
  
"I'm sure she did," he mumbles, looking at the ground.   
  
"You scared her to _death_ ," Link says. "You scared all of us to death."   
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a scene."   
  
"Cause a scene?" Link repeats, shaking his head. "Rhett, that was... that wasn't just _causing a scene._ This is serious. This is a big deal."   
  
"I'm sorry," he says again.   
  
"Rhett, look at me," Link pleads. Rhett slowly brings his gaze to meet Link's. "Dont you dare just brush this off. This wasn't just some temper tantrum, this wasn't just some bad day. You tried to _kill yourself_ , Rhett. Do you understand? You nearly died. Think about that." Link doesn't realize he's crying until he notices the tears dripping off his face.   
  
"I--" Rhett begins, but he can't finish his sentence. He just keeps looking at Link, his eyes boring deeply into those of his best friend. His world. His reason.   
  
"You were about to lose _this_ ," Link tells him, motioning at everything around them. "You were about to lose your wife in the other room over there. You were about to lose those two boys who worship the ground you walk on. You were about to lose everything we've ever made together. You were..." Link falters for a moment. "I was about to lose you."   
  
"Link," Rhett says, voice barely audible, but he has nothing to say.   
  
"That would've broken me," Link says honestly. "I would be broken. And I'd be right behind you, bo, I swear that."   
  
Rhett lets his head fall on Link's shoulder, who immediately wraps his arms around him. He feels the heaving of Rhett's body, but he doesn't hear any sobs. Somehow it's worse than hearing him cry. Link runs his fingers through Rhett's long, wavy hair. It's so comforting, so grounding. Link shudders thinking that he was _this_ close to never being able to do this again.   
  
"Whats gotten into you?" Link asks softly against his hair. "What was so bad that you think we can't fix?" Rhett doesn't say anything, just continues his silent cries as he hides his face in Links neck. "Frankly, I don't think you give us enough credit. We've fixed a lot of shit that seemed impossible, haven't we? We can fix this one, too."   
  
"I don't think so," Rhett replies, voice muffled and raspy.   
  
"I think you're wrong." Link keeps petting Rhett's hair, the only thing keeping him sane. "How about we go outside so we can talk about it, and so you can have a cigarette."   
  
Rhett meets his eyes and sniffles. "How do you know that I've been smoking?"   
  
"Psh. As if I didn't smell it on you the minute I walked in," Link teases gently. "Come on, grab your jacket."   
  
The two men sit beside each other on the patio steps. "You sure you don't mind if I...?" Rhett holds up his pack of cigarettes.   
  
"I don't mind. But don't get used to it," Link says with a small smile. Rhett lights one and sits there with it between his lips, staring up at the sky. "I know it isn't easy," Link begins. "But you gotta talk about this."   
  
"I was hoping I could bottle it up and shove it down deep like I do with everything else," Rhett says.   
  
"No such luck, buddy. I'm sure I dont have to remind you, but you can tell me anything. Absolutely anything. And I ain't going anywhere. You're stuck with me."   
  
Rhett chuckles a bit for the first time all night, but his eyes are still red from tears. He holds the cigarette between his fingers and sighs. "I know now that I was, I dunno, overreacting. Right now I know that dying isn't the answer. I just couldn't get it out of my head, though. It felt like things really were at that point where... I've spent too long making mistakes and being a fuck up that there's no way to ever make it right."   
  
Link swallows back a sob and crosses his legs. "W-what do you think you've messed up?"   
  
Rhett stares at him. Link knows what he's about to say before he even speaks, but a part of him wants to hear Rhett say it. Out loud. "Us, Link."   
  
Link goes through his options in his head; he can play dumb and say _what are you talking about? We've done well for ourselves, look at our jobs and our families, we really did achieve all our dreams_! Or, he can be honest with himself and Rhett and just say what needs to be said. The situation is dire, so he goes with the latter. "I know," Link says. And he does. He really, really does.   
  
"So now you see what I mean when I say it isn't fixable," Rhett mumbles, taking another drag.   
  
"Rhett, I--"   
  
"It isn't even all about you," Rhett continues, staring into the grass. "Its me, my whole identity, how I forced something so hard that wasn't supposed to happen, thinking I could just grin and bare it and everything would be okay. I should've listened when people told me it would start to kill me inside. I didn't want to believe them."   
  
Link can't fight the tears that flow now. He grabs Rhetts arm tightly. "I know, Rhett. Trust me, I live it every day, too. This is hurting us so bad, I..." He wipes his eyes. "I've tried to skip out, too. Thought it would be easier. But it isn't. We have to do what's difficult and, and make this right."   
  
Rhett looks at him with big watery eyes, heartbroken. "Y-you _what_?"   
  
Link sighs and plays with the fabric of Rhett's shirt. He's trying his best to stop his lips from trembling. "I tried too, Rhett. I never wanted you to know."   
  
"How could you keep something like that from me?" Rhett sobs, and Link swears that face of sheer desperation Rhett is making is gonna haunt his dreams for years.   
  
"I didn't want you to think it was your fault," Link says. "I felt bad enough about it, with scaring Christy and everything. I didn't want to disappoint you, too. I needed you."   
  
"When?" Rhett asks, and he can barely get the question out.   
  
"Six days after Lily was born." Rhett is speechless. "I took a bunch of my anti anxiety meds. Chased 'em with vodka. I passed out and thought I had really done it, but I woke up a little while later and vomited my brains out instead. I wouldn't let Christy take me to the hospital. I yelled at her until she finally gave up. So she just sat there with me on the bathroom floor, watching me all night, eyes never off me for more than a second. Holding newborn Lily in her arms the entire time." Link pushed out a bitter laugh.   
  
"God damn it, you bastard," Rhett sobs and pulls Link into his arms. "I would've helped you. You know that. Don't you ever think I wouldn't. I would drop everything for you, Link Neal. I swear to god."   
  
"Now you know how I feel right now," Link says softly, pushing his face into Rhett's neck. He doesn't even smell the cigarettes on him, or he doesn't even care. Nothing is better than being this close to Rhett.   
  
Rhett releases him and takes one last drag of his cigarette before smooshing it out on the pavement. "This is killing us," he declares. "I might be scared but hell Link, I'm more scared of losing you than anything else."   
  
"You'll never lose me, as long as you promise to stop playing around with pistols when you're depressed."   
  
Rhett laughs a bit and wipes his nose on his jacket sleeve. "I promise."   
  
"We've got a lot to talk about, you and me," Link says. "Its come to the point where we clearly can't just carry on as usual anymore. You gotta tell me all the things you've been keeping from me all these years, and I know you've been doing that 'cause so have I."   
  
"You're right."   
  
"Honestly, we should cut ourselves a little bit of slack, too. The world was different when we were growing up. Where we grew up and how we grew up was _different_. We couldn't control what adults were hammering into our brains as children. But we can control what happens now, Rhett. And I... I think I'm finally ready to do that."   
  
"But Jessie, and Christy... they're so wonderful," Rhett says with a sad smile.   
  
"They are wonderful. I've accepted the fact that they are huge, important parts of our lives a long time ago, Rhett. But maybe we can work this out and still have them by our sides. Who knows what could happen? You really think they havent figured out some things after watching us act like idiots for twenty years?"   
  
"You've got a point," Rhett says, rubbing his face. "I'm so scared, Link."   
  
"I am too," Link promises. "But I'm ready to try. If you are."   
  
"I am, and I'll prove it," says Rhett, inching his face closer to Links. "I'll start by telling you something I've kept from you since the day I met you. I'm in love with you, Link Neal, and I wanna spend the rest of my life loving you with everything I have." Before Link can process it Rhetts lips are against his own, soft and gentle. It feels like a dream.   
  
When they part they look at each other and Link rests his forehead on Rhett's. "I'll go next," he says softly. "I feel the exact same way." 


End file.
